@Beth Yep, good question. For me personally, I have a somewhat unorthodox-shaped mouth, and when I smile big, I think I look a bit...well...creepy. So, I choose something a little more subtle. That may not really answer your question, but I hope it helps.

@Mariana Itchy, then bristley, then magnificent. But they take work, cleaning, maintenance, and they get in the way of pints and kissing...

Can't hurt. But I'd initiate with a match, so no idea why others don't. Doubt they're timidly waiting for you, though... Some men act more like women these days, though. Never know.

@Emily its not bad if any of the two initiate the conversation, but for me i rather do it. #myopinion

@Emily It would sure help, all my matches don't respond when I try and initiate a simple conversation. I don't ghost people so I talk to anyone I match with.

@Emily I will usually make the first move/message, but not cause I’m opposed to getting a message from her first. Heck, in many cases, I’d be happy to get any message at all.

Emily thanks for asking, I if a lady mutually likes me back, I appreciate her starting the conversation If I find that a lady has liked me first and I like her back, then I am always the first to get the conversation going

@Essie I personally do, yes. I find great value in doing so. I especially appreciate profiles that are not only informative and real, but also have a healthy dose of humour included. As well, based on some regrettable experiences in the past, I've had to learn not to place too much value in photos, as they've not always proven to be genuine.

Both - obviously physical attraction is important, but if someone’s values or world views are not compatable with mine, that is equally (if not more) important. Additionally, if they have some common interests, hobbies etc. that’s a major plus!

If I like the pics, I'll carefully read the bio.

For me i do read and think about it

Bios are extremely important, it's nice to know who you may be dealing with if you decide to match.

@Essie I read everything first. Then look at the images. I don’t understand the people who click like on everyone or the people that say we should. I’m very careful not to like anyone (or swipe, whatever) or I’m not genuinely interested in them — and that starts with the profile, not the pics.

I am another guy who read all the text of bio and answers and often twice before swiping .... Cropped selfies an filtered pics tend to feel disinguinuine

Thanks guys for all your responses so far! It's nice to know that there are guys who look at the full profile and not just the photos ☺️

Probably a fumbled attempt at flirting

@Julia Because you are choosing to converse with the wrong types of men.

Not all men are like that, but I'd suggest you look through the man's profile before matching with him.

If you mean sex, yes. I don't speak for all men though. If you mean other forms of intimacy, that's a trickier question. The bible is pretty clear on avoiding lust. I've always encouraged younger Christians to think of the line as "affection not arousal", but that's not an easy line to hold to either and what is affection to one partner may cause arousal in another, and so communication and honesty is required.

@Jean lolz no...

@Jean that’s the plan. Bearing in mind, being divorced, I do have a sexual history. But waiting now for the next spouse.

Depends on the guy. It's also hard to say, because it depends on what you are being open about. If a lady starts telling me their bathroom habits and routine on the first date, that's probably being too open. 😆

@Shez Pretty open 🤷‍♂️Personally, I don’t mind fairly direct questions or deep conversations (after a couple of lighter ones). I guess, making sure they are asked or said in a kind and conversational manner, rather than a series of interview questions is helpful! 😅

@Shez Depends what you are opening. Generally, openness is a good thing, but if you've a big Pandora's box, keep the lid on it would be my advice.

I am slow to judge people I don't know well, so it can be hard to scare me away even with the strangest questions or info. But if I see your character is not Christlike (you don't have to be perfect) I will question you and try to redirect you, but if that doesn't work I will have to say goodbye.

I reckon a lot are avoidant. Attached is a really good book to read about attachment styles x

You will be friend zoned if you are seen as "not dateable material", i.e. not attractive. Whilst it is true that men are very visual, what women don't know if that men have wildly different tastes and can also change the way a guy looks at you. A guy will have generally already categorized a woman in their head. If he already thinks of you as "totally unattractive", you are probably out of luck. If he's just categorized you as "not his type", you need to do something different.

Ah, yes. The friend zone. I can only speak for myself, of course, but I tend to operate mostly from the friend zone, for a number of reasons. For the most part, I don't want to do, or be seen to do, anything that might be regarded as inappropriate, creepy, sleazy, suggestive, #metoo. So, until I am absolutely sure that a lady possesses similar feelings towards me (and for the record, I've not ever been sure), I chose the safety of the FZ. Would you, perhaps, propose an alternative approach?

@Subashni I think as people have said really… To be honest the main one is that it can be very difficult to determine if a woman is interested (especially in group settings like at church). With modern society and culture, people are afraid of coming off as too forward or ‘creepy’ for lack of a better word. If there is someone you’re interested in, try and drop a few reasonably obvious hints so at least they have an inkling, and see if you get some back.

Straight men will only put you in the friend zone if you are nice, but we have no inclination ever to want to date you. So no, do not try to win a man over to dating you. If he liked you, he'd ask you out.

@Subashni most of the time it's due to us men not being able to pick up on social hints. Please be direct with us. If you're interested, and are friend zoned, then he likely doesn't know you're really interested, or thinks he's been friend zoned. Conversation is necessary.

@Subashni ha! Didn’t know that was an option. If I’m doing that, it’s cause I believe that’s what she wants too.

Varies from guy to guy. Generally, a fair bit, especially on a dating app when you have little to go on. It's even worse when they write so little about themselves. But what guys find attractive appearance-wise varies wildly too. IRL confidence is a huge factor. On an app, not so much.

It's always appearance 1st, but if she gets a pass on the visuals, will read all her bio, likes, hobbies. Fun fact, Salt is better as it forces women to write a little. On other apps, 99% of women leave interests, about me, hobbies all blank, so even managing to say a little about yourself puts you ahead of most of the competition.

How about saying hi, then picking something you have in common and ask them about it? E.g. Where do you go hiking? What's your gym like? What board games do you like? Or, ask them about their church.

@Caitlin is this a universal thing? I’d never do that

Because they are homosexuals? IDK... Choose better.

I guess that's the kind way to unmatch ...or a cop out.

Honestly, because they want to think they're ready when they aren't. Most guys act before we think, or overthink before we act and don't act. It's a lack of fatherly training and manly support. Older men are a better choice in this regard, because of life experience. But not always.

@Caitlin they’re idiots. We’re not all like that.

Well, speaking from my own experience, my kids wanted a pet, we live in a townhouse so don't have room for a four-legged friend, and turtle licenses were a wee bit pricey. A bird fit the bill perfectly.

Is pet birds a euphemism? The only men I've seen with pet birds are in prison films. Or pirates. Probably best not to date lags or buccaneers.

@AJ I don't see this with American men. IDK why but I see lots of American men wear pajama onesies in their pictures they have on their profile 😂

@Alice from a Christian perspective; a fellow Christian companion. From here on, each to his own. I'd say, someone kind, feminine, nurturing, loves Christ and His church, is a hardworker, respectful and submissive.

@Alice Ultimately, a lady who will love and accept the man God made me to be - not a lady who tries to change me into the man she wants me to be, or the man she thinks I should, could, or ought to be.

Faith, femininity and loyalty.

@Katy Maybe busy, maybe shy, my opinion would be make it so that you had to say to like them

@Katy Maybe, they’ve “liked” a few ladies and are getting too many responses. Maybe, after a few conversations with different individuals they’re tired…

@Katy I am a shy guy I never used to be but I’ve been through some situations where I prayed to the lord to bring me home. So for me personally yes I do find it hard to start a conversation on dating apps

Yeah, great question. In my experience, it is because the vast majority of conversation initiators are not replied to, for whatever reason. I suppose 'liking' and then having those "I wonder if today is the day we match" moments feel less of a let down. Any way, just my two cents worth.

They maybe overthink what to say after viewing your profile. It happens to me sometimes as I feel I must come up with something witty and engaging rather than a simple "Hi".

As I guy, I find that I *do* initiate conversations… only to then be ghosted. 🤷🏻‍♂️

We don't. I initiate the convo if I get a match.

@Alice this deserves its own post, the ui needs work

@Alice i seem to get almost no response back even when i comment on a photo or initiate something to talk about related to the profile,

SALT has given me an… interesting glimpse into the demographics of Christendom amongst young adults in this country. Feels like 50% of the folk on here are Pente/Charismatic.

@Alice met my wife on here. Now I work for them! (In that order lol)

@Alice A few dates, lots of ghosting in the middle of seemingly good conversations, lots of no replies after a match

Pretty poor, honestly. Might be geographical.

@Alice not great. Matched with one person, started a convo that was going really well, I thought and suddenly stopped. I was able to reinitiate, but from then on, she was distant so I didn’t push it. Otherwise, the Salt app is clunky at times and not always intuitive. Better than a few others. Worse than most?

@Sarah I’m happy with a woman making the first move. I think a guy should lead in a relationship but if a woman likes a guy then why not get things moving 🤷‍♂️

Personally, I love it. I appreciate knowing where I stand with a lady, without the potential awkwardness of my words and actions being read into and creating the perception that I'm being creepy/weird. I'm at that stage in my life where I'm too old for the guessing games. I much prefer the "tell it how it is" approach.

Why not?

I actually admire it.

@Sarah my wife, who as you know I met on SALT, messages me first :)

@Sarah Totally fine, refreshing if anything. Something simple like ‘Hey, how’s your week going?’ Is totally fine, and you actually find out quite a bit as you hear what hobbies or church bits they typically get up to and can get a conversation going from there 😊 Bonus points to women who ask questions back to men in response to their questions and answers, rather than just answering a question 😅

Get out there and do it, ladies. Never been a worse time for men to cold approach... we have to sweat getting uploaded to tik tok as a gym creep just for glancing in a girl's general direction. About time you ran the gauntlet... 😎

@Sarah go for it.