Thinking you have to know if you could marry the person before even having coffee with them. I’ve learned now to simply see the person and ask myself if I enjoyed the time enough with them to want to see them again. Keeping it simple.
We focus too much on searching and finding for ourselves instead of giving it to god, he is the one who chooses, Eve was brought to Adam in the same sense he will put the person in our lives when we are ready if it hasn't happened it is because we are not ready, so seek ye the kingdom first, the only way my mate will notice me is because we both looking up to the heavens at God and that's how we will notice each other serving the almighty.
Focusing on words not actions. If a person loves God then they will have actions that follow - from what they’re studying in the bible to how they serve in their church. Just because someone say they’re Christian doesn’t mean they are!
Believing through words and not in actions. It should be consistent with both
Going on a date with a Muslim guy, evangelize him and think that it would work for us to be together 🥲
My biggest Christian dating mistake was my last relationship. We were both wanting love so badly that we just went in head first and didn’t ask the most important questions. We didn’t look left or right. We just went forward. It felt so good to be in love. After a couple of months I discovered that we were unequally yoked. She is New Age and into witchcraft. I had to break up with her, and it was very painful for us both. Make sure you’re on the same page about God. It’s a non-negotiable.
Constantly looking for a sign from God if he is "the one" instead if just getting to know THE PERSON!
Pursuing clarity through intimacy rather than pursuing clarity for intimacy
I thought that he was the one just because he was a Christian like me
Dating someone really quickly without getting to know them
One perhaps, not guarding our heart
@Nicole How would you define the term "guarding your heart"?
Being unequally yoked
Not dating her was my biggest mistake. She was interested. I was interested. But didn't had the courage to talk with her what I was living at that moment in my life. The whole situation ended in a sad way.
Lol. Been there!
I was lukewarm with Christ when I met my now ex and as I grew closer to Him I tried to get my (agnostic) girlfriend to get closer with me so instead of doing the right thing I lived two separate lifestyles, one spiritual and the other selfishly. Needless to say the conviction grew more and more in my heart and I learnt that I could never force this person to change for me nor would it be right for them to change to stay with you. Date with Christ in mind from the start.
Try to change someone to make them fit into my dream relationship
The first ever date and GF was a lass who was less than 6 months out of an engagement. Thought I could be patient and help her through the pain. I was more hurt by the constant hot and cold swings, including saying she loved me and dumping me the next day.
If you're in this situation, lovingly get out of it ASAP. The person on the other end needs to work through that.
Biggest mistake is I used to believe someone loved me and meant it and therefore wanted to be with me for life based on a few words, love crumbs, and typical actions. I now step back and look for godly character, sincerity, and actions that show the potential for life term commitment and love. I am ruthless with removing time wasters and commitment phobes from my path with God's help. Wish I knew this in my teens and twenties. :-) 😀
It's so tough isn't it when people struggle with commitment. I understand why people do but I can really relate to this and hit hurts so much when you put in your all and someone pulls back having at the start given a different message
Never ignore your gut, if you don’t have peace and/or something feels off, then it’s probably the Holy Spirit giving you a nudge to warn you. Things might otherwise seem great in getting to know someone and have lots in common, making it confusing. Also, don’t over spiritualise dating - for years I was led to believe that if I was pursuing God and serving Him, the ideal relationship would happen. This created a ton of pressure and questioning how I must have failed God. It’s not that simple!
@Rob this is absolutely true ! I walked a spirit filled life until I stumbled onto a post on social media that changed everything. I wasn’t even looking for a relationship . This post touched me so I left a comment! To which the person who posted left a message for me . Prior to that , the spirit impressed upon my heart to ‘get in the word !’I didn’t obey long story short , deep down I knew something wasn’t right . I was right .
@Rob wow wow wow, thank YOU for this. First sentence, I know deep in my spirit. I've failed myself plenty of times trying to not come off as judgmental, closed off, or that I'm keeping God in a box. There's a fellow that's been expressing interest and showing potential for a Godly character, but something just sets all my radars off and I can't pinpoint it. Refuse to go down that path again.
@Kristina thanks, glad it’s helped :)
This is so true. Once I was dating a mitomaniac and I didn't know they lied so much- it was really hard to live with a bad gut feeling. But I didn't want to judge so I stayed in the relationship until they lied about everything and I couldn't handle it anymore
@Maria sorry you went through that - there’s the desire to forgive people and give them another chance in the hope things will get better, but when someone is lying all the time it’s horrible not knowing what to believe, whether they can ever be trusted. Calling them out on it usually doesn’t go well either.
@Rob that's true and often times they rarely apologize or admit they are wrong
I have never dated a christian
@Maria About time! Innit!?
@Jude yes, that's why I am here 🙂
When I was new to online dating, this guy I was chatting with kept apologising for his slow responses and then gave me his number for whatsapp. I naively assumed he was interested because of this, however his behaviour continued. In the end he apologised for being rubbish at messaging, said he didn't have time for this and so would discontinue dating for a bit. One lesson learnt is that if a guy is genuinely interested he will make more of an effort than this example.
@Siân 😂I have actually had a similar experience with Salt. Granted I did not suffer as long as you did. It went like this. I sent the initial request to match, he matched, I greeted him and asked a light question. Something like what is your go to genra of music when you feel happy. Dude takes about a week, comes back to the question, answers, apologuizes for the delay and informs me he was not yet ready to be in a relationship.😂😂😂😂🤣🤣
@Luna oh gosh...yeah glad you didn't have to go through it for a month like I did but still...too bad we have to encounter such people on this platform...
@Siân agreed. Even so, i think every bad encounter helps us figure out what good relationships are meant to look like, and apreciate the ones who offer them more than we might otherwise if we didnt have to sift through the bad.😃
@Siân good experience for you. If another person is interested, the person makes the time and effort 👌. Love is sacrifice. Praise the Lord
@Siân (sigh) I have done this in the past. I need to be honest with myself about whether I am interested in the person. Since I work an offset shift, I have asked women if there are bad times of the day for me to message them- I can easily understand if messages are alright at any time and they use airplane mode when they need silence, or if they prefer that I not reach out when I get off of work at night. So far, everyone has replied graciously when I ask.
@Martin thanks for sharing and for your honesty here. It's great that you have this awareness, but also taking into consideration the needs of the person you're chatting with.
@Siân I agree with effort equals interest and I'll add increasing investment of time and self that stands life testing equals increasing interest and worth
@Siân when at work my boss doesn't like seeing me on the phone, The best I can do is between breaks but it's more relaxing after work at home where it's comfortable and without distraction. Usually evening after meal.
Dating a person who doesn't love God is the biggest mistake you can make.
Great question. Off the top of my mind i cannot think of any from a romantic relational standpoint. Because I have actually only had one true boyfriend and that relationship died to no fault of my own...technically. but one mistake i have made in general in regards to my walk with Christ had been assuming I could walk out my faith on my own without any spiritual accountability. I ended up in a place where my faith was lukewarm at best for a while until i had a wake-up call.
@Luna thanks for sharing Luna. Can I ask what helps you stay accountable?
@Nicole this is an excellent question!! Thank you so much for offering it up to me. To fully answer it, i need to do a bit of Dr. Doofenshmirtz background, so bear with me one moment. Also, due to character allotment, i will just post segments at a time.
@Luna In the past, back in my youth, my depression as well as other life situations made it challanging for me to attend church. I convinced myself that I did not need to be in church since i was already saved. In doing so, I starved myself spiritually. I became stagnate, living on what I already knew and believed and not growning or maturing in my faith.
I became complacent in my faith and failed to develop my relationship with Christ beyond the acknowlegement that he died for me, i am a sinner and he is my savior. It seemed I became comfortable in my lukewarm faith, and I was not actively sharing it either for nothing short of excuses I was making.
Long story short, God comtinued to reveal himself to me even in my slump. He showed up in my dorm room one day when I had tried to overdose to end my life, and I witnessed a miracle of miracles. I figured then that it was time to give up making excuses and draw near to him, understand him, and let him have control of my life. I could only develope my faith and stay spiritually fed, when i felowshiped with other believers. This meant for me, going to church as regularly as I was able...
A person who would do life with me. One of my girlfriends who was strong in her faith, chose to help me with my walk. She encourages me and replenishes me with reminders to seek God. By having someone (same heterosexual gender preferably, for many reasons) walk with me through my daith journey, it has encouraged me to go farther and steeper than I could on my own. Surrounding myself with other believers is what keeps me spiritually accountable, and fed.
@Luna thank you for sharing and your vulnerability. It reminds me to continue going to church and the blessings from God we get from fellowshiping with other believers . God bless you!
@Nicole i'm so glad i could be of help. Yes, attend church when you can and interact with the body of believers. May God bless you as well and fill you when you are spiritually hungry. 😊
