Every believer that approach you is God's workmanship (Eph 2:10). Barring major character and spiritual red flags, don't let "attraction" and "chemistry" dominate your thinking: Scripture has directly against sensuality in 2 Peter 2.
Don’t just make the guy continually come up with questions or prompts and you just answer it in one sentence then don’t follow up with anything or ask questions. Completely 1 sided. I just unmatch. It’s like they just here for the attention honestly.
@Noah I agree, but trust me, it works both ways. Several times I've matched with a guy only to feel like I'm carrying the whole conversation, very draining
@Kelly yes that’s right it can be both ways
I think it's important for the woman to remember that you're talking also to someone precious in the sight of God, too. I feel a lot of times women forget that we are also the apple of God's eye.(Ps.17:8) As you want to be appreciated, honored & respected; we do too. Compliments aren't evil either. That brand new dress shirt, trimmed beard,manicured nails,etc. It's most likely for you! Give us a little clue/cue that the date/meeting went well. Maybe the one you're talking to or meet isn't that
shining knight in armor for you, but that man is some woman's man of God. That is someone's husband one day. Remember that you're talking with a child of God, and God loves them too. Sometimes this person needed to enter your life to show you something you need to add to your mindset and vice-versa. Think Romans 8:28 a little. Remember that everyone has some struggle or something not right where it needs to be; some flag, you do too. Most importantly, pray for your husband without ceasing.
During your good days, your holy days, the days you fall terribly short; pray for him. I've been praying for my wife since I was 19. Last year around July, my prayers I feel finally got where they needed to be for my wife. We need your prayers! If you've been getting to know someone, offer to do one of the prayers if you're praying together. I find this highly valuable to know how the woman's heart I am getting to know talks to God and prays, too.
I would say that if you don't have the time or interest to regularly communicate with someone, it would be better to not match until you're ready for that. It's disheartening to match with a woman who seems really interesting, and then I discover she only intends to send one short message every two days.
@John you are right, it’s good advice! Thank you for sharing John
Hiya John 🙌❤️
Honest communication is key. Tell us what you’re thinking , let us know how you feel. It can make things so much easier :)
@Christopher communication is always the key
Take it or leave it… 1. Take time to build trust before entering deep levels of mental, emotional, and physical intimacy. 2. I appreciate when a woman gives some kind of indication that she’s interested. Especially online where in-person cues (body language, tone, etc) aren’t seen or sensed. There’s an expectation that men always “cold-call” the woman…but it didn’t quite work like that in The Scripture. Ruth, for example took steps to demonstrate her interest.
@Servando good points servando, thanks for sharing.
@Jessica no problem 🫡
@Servando hm interesting point. Ruth was in a special circumstance though. She had been previously married and so could request that Boaz follow the established culture as a kinsman redeemer. I don’t there’s an established culture of women approaching first. We indicate that we’d welcome the approach. Online or on a dating app; that’s matching with the guy. I’m not sure others think?
My first point would be that we aren’t mind-readers. There’s nothing worse than mixed messages, or giving out false signals. Secondly be prepared to work at something. Don’t just write someone off if there isn’t an immediate connection or you don’t get the spark straight away. Sometimes this whole thing can be a process rather than a tick-box exercise. Hope this helps!
@James im a woman and i agree with you
If you want a strong relationship, you're going to have to work for it. There are going to be times when you and your partner don't see eye-to-eye on seemingly important issues. Choosing to shut down and not talk through these issues will only sabatoge your relationship.
@Gary Absolutely spot on!
@Gary yeah I think it is best to be honest if a disagreement is too big to get over or if you can compromise but talking through things is so important. Thanks for sharing
Godly men care about character - kindness, integrity, honesty, trustworthiness. Being a Christian is more than a tickbox exercise of church involvement. Your profile gives us a snapshot but these things are only learnt by getting to know you - and it starts with friendship. Give guys a chance - know we can’t fulfil a whole shopping list or solve everything. If you are new/returning to faith, or need to work through stuff, take time to really get rooted in God before even considering dating.
(The above obviously applies the other way round too).
I agree☺️
Good men exist, but they may not fit worldly ideals. A godly man might not sweep you off your feet with charm, but he will show love, integrity, and respect. Attraction grows over time—prioritize character over instant chemistry. A good man is honest, consistent, and values faith. Don’t let unrealistic expectations blind you to genuine love. Focus on becoming your best self, trust God’s timing, and stay open to love that brings peace, not just excitement. True love often comes in unexpected ways
@Amiel You’re absolutely right! Those are some wise words you’ve shared! I couldn’t agree with you more. 😊 God bless you. Xx
@Amiel Thank you for your insightful post brother … so true.
The reason I am saying this is because we are a generation that has been saturated with media and social media that is affecting our perception of life. Our lives needs to be directed by the godly principles of wisdom from the word of God and not shaped by the culture around us. Do not be conformed to the patterns of this world but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.
I have seen many Christians express how they want to marry a Christian but when they describe the person it seems to be something they picked from a dating show or a Hollywood movie. I am also seeing the attitude that my faith will get me ……… and the list goes on… as if God is at a subway stop custom making your partner. These things are coming from the world and not from the word. If you are looking for a godly partner, look for godly character, commitment, the fruit of the Spirit, wisdom
You do not need to be overwhelmed by there being many many people on Salt. Rather use it as a means to genuinely connect with people around you who are Christian… take time to consider them one at a time without dismissing them. they are your brothers in Christ and if they do not behave Christ like then they are probably not Christian. If you as a Christian woman want a Christian man, then do not entertain those who do not display Godly Christian character.
I Corinthians 7 & proverbs 31
If you want to make a connection to someone, even if you don't know him yet you need to make the conversation going as well. Most of the time when I match with someone I try to make the conversation but it burn out because the other side answer only with a few words or don't even ask back anything and I have imagination but I hardly can make a good two side conversation when the other side don't even try. This is important in the live date as well.
@Attila so true and it happens a lot for us females too
@Rhiannon I can guarantee you those are not man, those are bots, IAs, rats or maybe kangaroo but no man lol 😜
@Eder you don’t know your fellow man well enough, Eder 😂😂😇
@Attila that is true, it makes it really difficult to want to know someone who doesn’t seem to want to get to know you better. I always tell myself that when I meet the right person I will not have to chase him or run after him, he will want to get to know me as much as I would like to get to know him and put in as much effort as much as I will.
I also know that when girls are even a little forward sometimes, especially in Christian circles, it can come across as desperate… even when they are not. Look, we all don’t like being vulnerable, but both sides need to put in effort. I think a girl needs to be honest about her interest, as do guys. Speaking as a girl, there is something about a guy pursuing you that feels right. But… that doesn’t mean us ladies should be vague and cryptic.
@Jo Yes, agree with this!
@Angela hi x
@Jo hi x
@Jo agreed! Well said
In terms of team-sport analogy: If you can't beat your competitors don't pursue the star players to team up with you. Look for potentials where you both can grow into star players together. 💪 In terms of groceries: More and more people wait/sit/opt out for the finished products (aka fast food that you only need to put into the oven, microwave or heat up in the pan for a bit) to be in the market instead of just get the ingredients and put time and effort to cook a proper meal with ❤️. 😉
This applies to both genders really but , don’t expect more from someone else than you can actually give yourself. If you want someone who is willing to lead and take responsibility, then you need to also be willing to support them in that
@Paddy amen 🙏🏼
Also vice versa for the guys. If you want someone “traditional” you’re gonna have to step up and avoid passivity if you want to maintain your relationship
@Paddy absolutely true!
@Paddy 🤩😂 louder for those in the back please!
@Paddy well said 👏
@Paddy so true
Online profiles need to highlight your priorities and your deal breakers. We all have them. It’s so debilitating spending weeks getting to know a person only to realize it’s not going to work out over something simple.
@Taylor this info can and has been used to masquerade as the right kind of person and can also take weeks or months to come to light. Love the idea in theory though!
@Rhiannon I agree in a general sense. by “highlight” i mean that it’s alluded to somewhere as a part of who you are. it doesn’t exactly have to be a banner that screams “these are my dealbreakers.”
My views are changed … I believe Christian women can subtlety express interest but then it is up to the man to decide about pursuing her in an endearing way which is non aggressive. Winning a woman over in a Christlike and gentlemanly way is now rare but a joy to see. 💕💕💕💕
In my view, it would help immensely if a lady would let a man know that she is interested in exploring something more than friendship. I am terrible at ‘reading the signs’. Perhaps other men are also. I operate on the basis that, unless a lady communicates to me that she is interested in something more, a lady who is nice to me is simply being nice, polite, and courteous.
While I understand that some ladies wish to be pursued, in the current climate such an endeavour, in my mind at least, can present an unacceptable level of risk, if that makes sense. As a single dad, I and my kids can’t afford the type of reputational (and other) damage that can come from a misunderstood pursuit.
@Chris Am I reading this right that you want a woman to be the initiator of pursuit, to be the one to express interest first also without knowing if it's reciprocated?
@Angela , partially. For want of a better analogy, I prefer to wait for the traffic light to turn green before entering an intersection, as there's far less chance of a car crash if I do. It's still up to me to press the accelerator. Does that make sense?
@Chris That does make sense, and I've heard a number of guys say similar things on SALT social (not the analogy but the sentiment of woman initiating interest first)...but it seems then that men would simply rather women be in the position of vulnerability of facing rejection/being in the car crash so that they don't need to be...
@Angela yes, you could reasonably draw that conclusion. I acknowledge that the impasse serves neither men nor women's best interests. Unfortunately for men, the consequences of a pursuit being misconstrued and taken the wrong way appear more severe than for ladies. For some men, it's just not worth the risk anymore.
@Chris That makes sense. It's too bad that people can be so quick to judge, resulting in damaging others reputation. And I can understand that it would be even more important to guard that with having children.
I wonder if it seems more severe for men because traditionally they have been the ones to initiate first (and thus risk developing a reputation when pursuit is misunderstood) and if the same (or similar) would occur for women being put more in that position. From my observations, women who repeatedly initiate showing interest in guys also risk developing a reputation unfortunately (at least in many church settings)...
When I think of marriage as being a picture of Christ and His bride, the church...and the way He pursues, protects, and sacrificially loves, I can't help but think it seems opposite when men prefer women be in the position of initiating pursuit/verbalization of interest so that they don't need to risk rejection/harm. Curious your thoughts?
@Angela I can appreciate that there are reputational risks for ladies, especially in a church setting, when they show interest in guys. As I mentioned earlier, I think we’re at an impasse that cannot be easily navigated. I think Christ’s love for the church is a good representation of what it should be like, but I am of the view that it is much easier said than done.
@Angela Also, my experience tends to be, without exception, that the women I am attracted to are not attracted to me, and equally, the women who do find me attractive I am not attracted to. It seems like a bit of a lose-lose situation, unfortunately.
@Chris Can definitely agree that its much easier said than done. It's harder when real life vulnerabilities and legitimate concerns (e.g. reputation) are factors.
@Angela you said it quite well; personally I’d find it difficult to be attracted to a passive man; it would signal I’d need to lead him in the relationship. It would be very difficult to see a man like that as a potential partner. If women are honest, maybe that’s why some men in relationships are constantly disrespected by their partner?
@Chris i think you should take the lead if you will move the relationship to next level. I guess women should just know how to talk but not to confess feelings to go to the next level. If you want to lead and the woman wants the man to lead too.
Let me give you perhaps the best piece of advice, not just for dating, but for life itself. It’s so simple that it might seem absurd, yet it’s the very thing keeping you from your own happiness.
Take action! Don’t sit around waiting for something to happen without making an effort. Why do you expect someone to enter your life and care for you when you don’t even show the slightest interest in them? Show attention, be genuine women. Love is something you should master and give unconditionally, not something men should have to beg for!
So true let me take your advice... Krasimir you are handsome
@Krasimir hmmm I have never thought of the hard situations which men go through when it comes to dating, but it’s true , no one should beg for love, it should be freely given not just to anyone but to the right person who you are compatible with and stand together in spirit, cause if you don’t believe in the same God then it’s all useless.
Men should not display their bare chest either. Not necessary to know who you are.
Gowan Cynthia!!
@Cynthia haha legit! And no gym pics - biggest turn off even if other factors seem a plus - next! 😅
@Rhiannon 😆
@Rhiannon oh my days those gym pics 🫸🏽🥱😫💪🏽 gert outta here 🤣
@Ms M if ya know, ya know, girl! 😂
Oh the gym pics, screams insecurity. Praying for the dudes with their gym pics and any other pics 😬 iykyk
@Cynthia This was the most hated thing on dating sites like a decade ago from the women's side. Gym selfies though I think help you identify a warning sign early nowadays though. Since men still haven't figured it out or got it; despite it always being called out. I think this goes both ways nowadays. I am tired of seeing women in gym selfies, showing 'certain' angles, etc. If you're showing it to everyone it isn't special.
Be clear and let us know you're not interested, most of us are ok with rejection but ghosting is just disrespectful (just personal experience)
@Eder totally agree and back at men as I've been ghosted a lot
@Fiona So sorry to hear that. 🌷
@Eder Don’t go M.I.A. Instead go L.I.A. (Love in Action). Haha ☺️
@Oasis oh my God friend trust me I'm trying but it's not my time yet so I guess I am on M.I.A mode for now 😂
@Eder oh, I meant instead of ghosting, people need to learn to be more considerate before ghosting 😄
@Oasis there's no such thing as being more considerate before ghosting lol you lil evil 🙈 😂
@Eder let me rephrase, people need to be more considerate before deciding to cut contact, such as telling someone that they are going to unmatch them and wishing them the best kinda thing.
@Oasis ok, ok that's better LMAO I'm just messing with you girl!!!
@Eder Sometimes it's not that you ghost for pleasure or with the porpuse of being rude, sometimes it's just harder to face the situation directly, especially when you are to shy and afraid to speak up
@Eder Be the one who ghosts is never easy and hurts too
Paint a 3D picture of the totality of who you are. It'd be great if more women wrote more about their unique personality + interests outside of their faith/beliefs. I want to be with someone who shares my faith, of course, but your doctrine and beliefs on their own don't encompass everything. If you're only highlighting your beliefs and faith, it leads me to believe you have no major hobbies, passions, quirks, & interests outside of that; which paints a 2D representation of who you really are
@Caleb yuh it’s a little bit of a turn off.
@Caleb Very kindly advised; exhibit what makes you human and YOU as God is intentional in everything
@Caleb Refreshing to hear Caleb as there are some men I've experienced who don't care about that and don't even care to ask. So it's nice to hear you taking an interest. I'm sure any woman you are getting to know would appreciate this. 👍🏽
@Caleb sure we can discuss that 😄
Limit attention seeking behaviour e.g excessive travel, partying, provocative photos if you want a man serious about commitment. Put better photos of yourselves.
@Asward Amen! Say it louder! 🗣️ Especially the provocative photos. There’s a tendency on here where certain women post pictures that show too much skin for likes or comments. 🤦🏽♀️ In my mind, I’m like: “Do you think a man, serious about committing is going to approach you?!” 🥴
Don’t use picture filters! You are beautiful just the way God designed you. We should all be sharing the authentic version of ourselves and that goes for the men as well. Pray! God said in Genesis 2:18 that it is not good for man to be alone, so he will make a helper designed especially for him. Ask the Lord to prepare you and introduce you to that man. He will when both you and the man are ready. Sorry ladies, but Men have a longer preparation time. I’m 51 and God is still preparing me!!!!
@Mark absolutely with you on this one Mark ☺️
Be the one to take the first step. While we all want things to play out like a romance movie, we feel like it’s only a matter of time before one is known as “that guy” for approaching the ladies after Church and whatnot
@Sergio I get what you are saying but as someone whose been single forever I'd love to be pursued as it hasn't really been that way before
I can see your point, but do feel it contradicts the Word that encourages men to pursue, and women to be invitational. "He who finds a wife" takes a different meaning if he "found his wife" all because she initiated.
As well, it might prompt men to be much more selective, intentional, and prayerful as they pursue a Godly woman so that they don't become "that guy".
@Kristina yes!
@Sergio Hello Sergio, For many decades Christian women have been encouraged to wait for the man to make the first move. I believe this is a reason why there are so many Godly and beautiful Christian single Christian woman …..
I think you might be onto something there, Aunty @Evelyn .
@Evelyn yes, and I know many women that have read Captivating and Wild at Heart which speaks into this area beautifully. We are also at our safest as God is our head and protector. We need to know that the man who comes to try and pursue is rock solid in The Lord and will be a safe space as they then become the head and God over both of us
@Evelyn but there's also a factor and is the fact the single Christian woman, are more likely to be nice and sweet in general, to everyone and making it way harder for man to understand the signals, so differentiating if she's interested or not it seems like the hardest math equation on earth (I'm exaggerating, sorry, or maybe not) Lol
@Eder 😂 where’s your sense of adventure?!
@Eder I kid lol you have a fair point. It’s balance for both parties to have a quick chat to see where the other stands then go from there
@Rhiannon and where's your sense of humor, 😂 just kidding 😂
@Rhiannon and you woman are too complicated lol just kidding lol again (or maybe not) 😜
@Eder 😂 touché brother haha love it
@Rhiannon 😁😜
@Rhiannon oh and as soonest I get an intro I'll txt you there, almost there tho lol
@Eder haha easy. I’ve got about 2 days to wait
@Rhiannon omg 🤦😆😆😆 I'm not going anywhere sis, no rush!
@Eder I googled how to tell if a guy likes you (body language / behaviour etc) and found some useful stuff on Wikipedia etc. It confirmed some things and illuminated others.
@Jenny it's funny I did the same thing but with you guys (woman) it's absolutely different and complicated, is like asking Mr strange about the outcome of a situation and then comes back at you with endless possibilities hahaha that's how hard is to try to understand a women signals 😂
