Itâs hard if I actually met them I usually just say you were lovely ( which is often true!) but I donât feel like weâre a match. Good luck on your search. Unfortunately some people demand to know why and Iâve had a few get nasty sadly but most people take it well and reply with well wishes respectfully.
Block their number
"I don't see this progressing beyond a friendship."
@Breana âyea? And why is that?â đ
@Jude these kind of responses are SO frustrating. Theyâre uncomfortable, unnecessary, and to be frank in some situations ânot earntâ. Ie if youâve been in a handful of date or âtalked for a handful of weeks, then yâall donât know each other. It is completely unnecessary to put pressure on another or to make them say something that will probably upset you anyway - they donât know you and they are likely off the mark anyway!
@Amber I know, and I was being cheeky. If someone said âI donât see this progressing beyond a friendshipâ Iâm smart enough to know what this means. However, based on the comments below, as I understand, some people want a reason⌠even if they donât deserve one. I personally wouldnât be saying that.
@Jude yea I saw that too - itâs a really tough balance between loving each other in Christ and respecting someone we âdonât knowâ We should all pray for wisdom!
Hebanna
I think being honest and upfront about your standards, values and what you are looking for in another person would assist a lot. Any person who respects you will excuse themselves immediately when they see they won't fit. There's also those stubborn ones who in some way would try and convince you to drop your standards simply because they are down there from your level. Never ever go down to anyone's level but they must rise up to your standards instead.
I think kindness and honesty are the best principles. So many people don't bother to talk, it's fair to thank the person for chatting but just say you're not feeling you're a good match. Sometimes the conversation will fade naturally and then I don't think much needs to be said but if they are still making an effort, I wouldn't just ghost them because I think that can be confusing and hurtful - you don't know how much confidence/resilience the other person has in dating.
@Millie This sounds like wise advice. I appreciate the consideration of others in your words.
And unrelated note, but I see in your bio a mention of Rees Howells. His story of faith and committment to intercession is so inspiring and challenging!
@Angela isn't it just! I was blown away when I first read his story, I think I will always aspire to walk in his footsteps!
ÂŤÂ I Hope you find what youâre looking for 
<<âŚbearing in mind that sometimes what youâre looking for is not what you needâŚIâm just saying >>
Are we talking about on here specifically? If distance is the issue, I think that is pretty easy to say. If the conversation dies, Iâm going to leave it lie. đ¤ˇââď¸ďżź But if the person seems invested, and you donât think itâs gonna work, keep it simple and short. Donât go into detail,ďżź and be kind.
The classic âItâs not you, itâs meâ
At first âghostingâ confused me, but now I think it is generally the best way if youâve only chatted a little bit. I see it like youâre at a party mingling, the conversation dies down and both move on - thereâs no need for a rejection speech. ďżź But if youâve communicated more deeply, or met/communicated off the app, or one person just isnât getting the hint, then I think a brief note would be appropriate. ďżź
Also, I think it would be nice if we had a different word than âghosting.â Before I started online dating, I reserved âghostingâ for long-term IRL friends who suddenly stopped communicating with no explanation. I think if youâve only briefly chatted, there should be a less negative term.ďżź
@Michelle Maybe the Salt version should be getting "Elijahed" đ¤Ł
@Michelle maybe Caspering as then itâs at least a friendly ghost đť
@Heidi đ perfect!
One more thing :) - if you want to keep the conversation going, always include a question in every message â this is a little different from IRL, but if someone responds to me without asking a question, I often see that as a polite way of not continuing the conversation. ďżź
@Michelle I agree with you on this. I also would define ghosting as a disappearing without explanation from an actual relationship. Not just a we spoke in a couple of messages that never actually went beyond casual conversation.
Your example of chatting with someone at a party and then moving on is a perfect example. We wouldnât consider that ghosting. I think the problem is we place a deeper level a relationship than what is actually there in situations of matching on dating apps. Relationships take time and effective communication to develop. If that hasnât happened then there is no need to give some explanation to leave the connection and un match⌠but is
Itâs just a natural fading away of conversation that wasnât going anywhere⌠I think itâs really important to remember that we are essentially talking to strangers on these apps. We need to guard our hearts and emotions and take time to responsibly build relationships. Donât assign someone a place they havenât earned
@Ali Joy Yes! Well said!
@Michelle the problem is, it isn't a party, it's a one on one conversation. And even irl I let someone know I'm leaving, I don't leave them hanging forever with an unanswered question. I think both of you are way out of touch with reality on this app.
@Ali Joy this makes a lot of sense đđ˝
@Ali Joy I agree with this to a point. But I do think, if someone has been having a decent back and forth for days and then suddenly stops chatting but doesnât unmatch thatâs just a bit odd for me. But that could be because itâs not how I would do thingsâŚ.
@Jess Let me clarify something here. I donât think itâs okay to just âghostâ someone if actual back and forth conversation is going on. But if there hasnât really been any actual conversation where you have gotten to know anything about that person, then I donât consider it ghosting to un match with them. I donât think in that context you need to explain why you are walking away
@Ali Joy with that I completely agree
@Jess I have never ghosted someone that I have actually carried on back and forth conversation with. If over the course of conversation I feel we are not aligned in whatever way I respectfully communicate that with them. However, I have un matched with someone where conversation never actually happened over the course of several months. One question was asked by him and nothing was shared by him
@Ali Joy I didnât give him an explanation for deciding to un match. And I donât consider that to be ghosting him, because there was absolutely no relationship developedâŚ
@Jess I am a very direct person, maybe because I am autistic⌠Maybe just because I am direct, either way I wouldnât leave a guy guessing. If we have been talking and getting to know each other then I would be clear and direct if I felt we werenât compatible. I believe in being kind and respectful to everyone. I just donât think a casual conversation where nothing has actually been learned about each other
@Ali Joy sorry that last one got cut off. So as I was saying, I donât think a very brief casual conversation where no one has learned anything about each other is an actual relationship that needs to be officially ended. Even on a dating app. So I donât consider that ghosting to un match without explanation in that situation.
@Jess yeah, depends on the situation. I was thinking more of conversations that never got off the ground. I agree with what you and Ali said below.
@Michelle or maybe what you said above đ- never know where in the thread the message is going to show up đ
@Ali Joy I would agree with you on that. You donât need to explain yourself why necessarily but to tell someone youâre unmatching that youâve been chatting to I agree is kind and respectful
@Ali Joy âdonât assign someone a place they havenât earnedâ LOVE THIS! So true
@Michelle a very sensible approach đđź
@Michelle a little shocked by some of these thoughts about ghosting of I may say. I believe there's never a reason to air or ghost etc. I would be mortified and embarrassed with myself if I treated someone that way. Even if we had only exchanged a couple of messages. I believe how a person leaves a conversation says more about their character than how one enters into it. That's just my 2pence worth. We are called to love. Jesus said its more to love enemies than friends...
So if you're a stranger to me you get the same dignity as if I've known you for years. We are called to love as the highest commandment. I believe our Nation can do better than where we are currently. This goes for all of us myself included. The Lord will get us there but we have to be willing to see what the problem is. Just thought I'd offer up another perspective on this đ tbh it made me a little sad to read đŞ
@Michelle nah thats actually pretty rude, if you dont want to talk just say so
Otherwise you leave the dude hanging and hes confused whether your busy or just ignoring him
@Jp đŻđĽđĽ
@Michelle I agree I have been ghosted and Iâm not offended, we didnât meet so I donât need an ending it speech. If we accept people are talking to multiple people on here and donât take it personally itâs fine.
Part of what makes the "rejection" painful is if the person does not know why they are being let go from the match. At least for me that is one of the harder parts. So i make sure to inform the person what the problem is, whether age, beliefs, goals, lifestyle or worldview, or whatever the case. As long as they at least know what the problem is, it is easier to move forward. Thats my humble opinion on that matter.
@Luna I think I agree with this! And I don't mean to be a whiner, but I get kind of uneasy if I am told "very nice" or something along those lines; it feels like it ends up being followed by rejection when I hear that.
Honesty is the best policy. Be direct and to the point with grace and kindness. I'd rather be let down from the beginning rather than go for a while putting in effort while the other person is having an emotional/spiritual ping pong match in their head and not truly know what they want in someone. This idea that no one should be super invested is terrible. People would date for years one on one and now because of "apps" it's like playing the field which I don't like and really is disingenuous.
We need to learn from our great grandparents and the generations before them on how to do it properly because the way we're all doing it is over thinking it with very high expectations and life shouldn't be that way.
I just took a minute to go through my chats and see how conversations were actually ending. 7 were never about dating, we were talking about a specific common interest, and even some of those conversations ghosted. 3 ended with a declared decision. 2 ended by just petering out. 17 I have no clue. Did I ask the wrong question? Have they just not logged into the app? Did they meet a more charismatic guy and forget they were talking to me? I don't take it as a rejection. Please just give a reason.
@Mathew Someoneâs been getting them matches. Nice one bro đ
Itâs very unlikely that anyone has a strong attachment to you after a small and insignificant amount of contact. They donât need to be âlet downâ. If you donât like them, someone else, perhaps many others, will. It strikes me as rather self-aggrandising to think anyone would be devastated to not be granted one individualâs time and attention.
Well saidđđžđđž
@Marina I have some good friends (made on here and other dating apps!) and they take an exchange of messages very personally đ my heart breaks for them as they put so much hope and pressure on every match and date!
My view, @Isabel - Team SALT , is to be honest and polite. Especially in the very early stages of chatting, I see nothing wrong with saying that you don't think the match is go.
@Isabel - Team SALT we were talking on a thread I posted about intros, about how you have to match to respond and how itâs a shame you canât respond without matching so many are reluctant to so no ones hopes get up. Even responding to intros, for me, is about rejecting graciously but if to respond I have to match then itâs a bit more awkward because they will think itâs something when itâs not, even in those early stages people can be super invested!
Letâs be real, you girls usually ghost us đť
@Jude if itâs a match I never ghost and actually havenât ghosted anyone. I always have a ânot feeling itâ chat although thatâs generally been more about location because God isnât saying anything about moving us than anything else. I would hate to be ghosted so I wouldnât ghost. I have been ghosted by men after chatting and I was confused so I wouldnât do that to someone else.
@Jess Iâm sure the gents here will be happy to know đ
@Jude amen haha
@Jude preach!
@Jude I've never ghosted either and think it's a bullet dodged of someone does it to you. Sad to hear girls are doing this too.
@Jude there are ghosts of all genders đť
@Heidi haha! You know I wouldnât ghost you because weâre both in Sydney! đ
Just be honest, kind & gentle.
Honest, straightforward, short and to the point. Imo, if you're putting God first, cultivating your relationship with God first, and seeking Him in prayer, and being prayerful about every person, you will know pretty quickly if they are right for you or not. But if you're not prayerful, you'll end up dragging things on, getting tangled up, making it harder. For me it's as simple as, "Thank you for taking the time but you're not right for me, God bless." Short and to the point. Time is precious!
@Natalie Olivia that's a nice way to respond. And stays focused on God. I like it
The sooner the better
Do nothing in particular. Move on with your life. Set an example to them to move on with their life also :). You have no particular obligation to be overly nice. No one likes it when people are overly nice, it's confusing.
@Jamie do you say nothing then?
Be mature. Let them know you aren't on the same page and why. Don't ghost or use clichĂŠ lines, it feels insincere that way.
Be mature and honest about why you dont believe it's the right match. Most people will want the right person of God's choosing so will appreciate the doors that close too
And above all be kind
Ghost. is this not what most people do on this app?
@Nicole đ
@Nicole đ¤Ł
Be honest but kind. Be up front from the beginning about how you conduct things - I always tell people Iâm not thinking about relationships until I know we can be good friends because for me that is the basis for anything romantic.
The bad news sandwich. List 2-3 good qualities, explain you don't think you're a good match romantically, follow up with but I think we'd make good friends or wishing them luck on their search
I don't think anyone wants to eat that! đđđ
Dont give then any new ammo lol
Them
Similar to an exit letter from your job
@Marcia đ
