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Isabel - Team SALT
Thu Apr 03 2025

Is this too judgemental? 🙃

You've matched with someone, conversation is going well but then they say something that doesn't sit quite right. Do you a. call it off straight away b. challenge them on what they said or c. clock it but give them the benefit of the doubt. What do you do?

12 Likes
23 Comments
Greg's avatar
Greg

Simple… Just ask them about it!!… Don’t overreact, don’t judge, don’t get angry. “Challenging” people you’re dating isn’t a great idea or approach whatsoever!!!… You’re not competing with them!!!!

Fri Apr 04 2025
1 ❤️
Matt's avatar
Matt

Depends on what it is. There’s certain things that would be a deal breaker but other things that might just need clarification.

Fri Apr 04 2025
0 ❤️
Rede's avatar
Rede

It's interesting question. It's good to remind ourselves that there is persons who are seeking opportunities to manipulate. Those people aren't seeking understanding but power and dominance over other. C. Doesn't protect you from that. Your A and B are looking same to me & if person happen to be narsist you are shut down and humiliated or ending up to eat your own doubt un reasonable. I recommend pause, prayer and then do what God recommended to do and say. Works better than own understanding.

Fri Apr 04 2025
1 ❤️
A. C. M.'s avatar
A. C. M.

B - challenge them on what they said, maybe you might learn something about how they view things. A sounds like you're being judgemental but you may have your reasons, whereas C comes off as a people pleaser or just always seeing the good in people. B is safe, leaves room for open conversation and safe space but also be careful not to entertain what you shouldn't

Fri Apr 04 2025
3 ❤️
Zachariah's avatar
Zachariah

E. Get clarity, then proceed further

Thu Apr 03 2025
5 ❤️
Sergio's avatar
Sergio

Really depends on the context, but I’d find it more productive to talk things out rather than calling it off right away

Thu Apr 03 2025
7 ❤️
Servando's avatar
Servando

E. Ask what they mean/ask them for clarity. Just in case there’s more to it or a misunderstanding. Then consider options.

Thu Apr 03 2025
8 ❤️
Antony's avatar
Antony

B. If someone says something that doesn’t sit right, I’d address it with grace and truth. We grow through honest conversations, not judgment. Speaking in love gives them a chance to clarify or change, and it allows me to reflect and grow too. Forgiveness and accountability help us refine each other, as iron sharpens iron (Prov. 27:17). We’re called to build up, not cast away, walking in truth and grace (Eph. 4:15).

Thu Apr 03 2025
3 ❤️
Lachlan's avatar
Lachlan

Totally depends on what was said.

Thu Apr 03 2025
7 ❤️
Sharia's avatar
Sharia

I think it depends on what was said. It's always worth seeking clarification if you're not sure . I'm learning not to go with option a

Thu Apr 03 2025
1 ❤️
Cate's avatar
Cate

Hi, the problem with communicating via just messaging, it removes tone of voice and body language., making it very easy to misunderstand something that someone, who you know very little about, has written. My advice is, just clock it, but keep chatting. In time, more will be revealed about that person, so you will understand more about what they said. Try to get to video calling or meeting in person relatively quickly, to properly get to know them, and pray for discernment. Good luck 🙏🏻💕

Thu Apr 03 2025
4 ❤️
Carmen's avatar
Carmen

I would say it depends on the comment and context, but generally would go with C as good conversations after a match are rather rare (at least in my case).

Thu Apr 03 2025
1 ❤️
Taylor's avatar
Taylor

Funny story: I once (on another dating site) accidentally clicked on a dead conversation, and while trying to exit the chat, i ended up giving their comment a “thumbs up” instead. the conversation had clearly died off previously from spiritual difference, and so that accidental thumbs ended up acting as a match that sparked what would be a pretty heated conversation that i think either of didn’t particularly want to have, but were willing to continue 😂

Thu Apr 03 2025
2 ❤️
Mags's avatar
Mags

B & C both

Thu Apr 03 2025
0 ❤️
Rory's avatar
Rory

Clarify it. What do you mean by this...?

Thu Apr 03 2025
1 ❤️
Jason's avatar
Jason

Option D .... Gently ask for clarification... Practice Empathetic Active Listening Could you help me understand better what you meant when you said ___'_____ ? Hmmm, i think heard you say this ____ , could you explain that more please? I am feeling {tired} and might not have heard this __' in the best light , can we talk about it more tomorrow? Ah that topic is loaded with strong thoughts and feelings for me , can we put a pin in that and circle back later this week?

Thu Apr 03 2025
4 ❤️
William's avatar
William

Text isn’t the best medium for communication as all of us have no doubt experienced. It’s hard to get emotions through or in intent. I would say you give them the benefit of the doubt or ask him to explain a little further. I hate this sort of pseudo anonymity of these sites where people just ghost people.

Thu Apr 03 2025
3 ❤️
Rob's avatar
Rob

If it’s a theological difference, then listening to their viewpoint and having a discussion is worthwhile, don’t immediately write them off. If they admit to being an alcoholic/addict (and it is an active problem or they’ve been in recovery for less than a year), kindly and gently walk away. Their focus should be on recovery not on a relationship, so it’s not doing either of you any favours. If they’ve not been truthful or exhibit attitudes which are unkind, it’s not judgemental to walk away.

Thu Apr 03 2025
4 ❤️
Tony's avatar
Tony

Depends on what was said. I can misinterpret what another has said, so I tend to ask questions diplomatically that will help me understand the context within which something has been said, otherwise I'm going to react based on an assumption which could be wrong.

Thu Apr 03 2025
1 ❤️
Joy's avatar
Joy

It depends on what was said

Thu Apr 03 2025
3 ❤️
John's avatar
John

That would depend on the thing said. Generally speaking, I would probe into the meaning or intent of what was said with them. If it turns out that what was said was off-putting then I would call them out on it. If they’re beyond saving at that point, then I would respectably call it off.

Thu Apr 03 2025
0 ❤️
Alfred's avatar
Alfred

It depends on what they said that If they said something unbiblical then I definitely woudl ask questions to understand how they came to that conclusion then show them with scripture where they error If it’s something that is more preference than dictated by scripture then I woudl still ask questions but I wouldn’t worry about it as much

Thu Apr 03 2025
1 ❤️
Toby's avatar
Toby

I would always try and give people the benefit of the doubt and ask them about it to make sure I didn't read into it the wrong way or something. It really does depend on what they've said and the heart behind the comment (and their response to me not liking the comment). We're all human and make mistakes, and I'd like to offer the same grace to others that I'd want to receive from them should the roles be reversed 🙂

Thu Apr 03 2025
2 ❤️