Pitfalls of Christian dating 🙄

I think the difficulties are due to secular culture being brought into the church and traditional values/social etiquette etc being eroded. A significant proportion of people do not date intentionally, are not mature enough for a relationship and are influenced by a Hollywood picture of love and romance. We need to be intentional, and have boundaries (both physical and emotional). I do think there’s a degree of laziness on both sides- an unwilling to make an effort.

I don’t think it’s Christian dating that is the issue. Rather just dating in general. A fellow flawed human being, seeking out another flawed human being, is always going to have downsides. What’s the remedy? The upside of relying on Jesus to help through the downsides. People who are dishonest and not sincere about their faith, definitely do add further obstacles but fortunately the Truth of the Bible makes light work of those obstacles.

One of the things I have seen alot, it's kinda weird actually. I've seen dudes like this, but it's Typically from the ladies side. A lot of people seem to act super holy or super spiritual, to the point of being un- approachable and not genuine.

My feelings are how long should you meet up for someone before you get that desire to want to be with them? When should you let them know you are not developing any feelings more than friendship? Should you ignore not being physically attracted to someone and see if things develop more? In the same way, you would not want to have your spouse ignore not finding you attractive. I wonder about these things. I'd want my future wife to be physically/spiritually/mentallyattracted to me as I am to her.

There’s many pitfalls, but the main ones are along the lines of: 1) A general lack of basic standards such as kindness, honesty, integrity and trying to live in a way that honours God and people 2) Unrealistic expectations - expecting another person to meet a long shopping list of requirements and in many cases fill the void/solve issues that only God can. 3) Most churches are so focused on marriage and families that teaching/support/mentoring for singles isn’t there, or is imposing/unhelpful.

I was married my whole adult life, and after being in the dating world for a year, I’ve stopped. It’s so important to get to know someone and that takes time. Friends and fellowship is what I’m looking for now to really get to know someone. Online is very hard. People pretend so much.

I agree with @Christian Daniel I also think that the online space has taken out the human aspect and it can cause people to be flippant in the treatment of others. How to overcome these pitfalls? Prayerfully consider each individual and ask for HS led conversation. It’ll either start to evolve nicely or be shut down. Oh, and ask wise questions!

I have experienced men wanting to rush things. I don’t want to hop on a diff platform after two minutes into a conversation. It takes time to build trust and report.

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I haven't seen it in here. However,on other dating apps, listing myself as a Christian seems to invite plenty of scammers. ( on top of being a widow ). That's what I meant by " easy pickings ". Not that I've been scammed, but in those sights plenty of folk say they are Christian and " looking for a 'God fearing' lady like me". After interacting with them for a short time, it becomes clear that they are not Christian and that they see me as gullible.

Honestly, I think one can get so caught up on the idea of a future husband or wife and the goal of having a family , that you don’t end up taking the time and enjoying the process of getting to know someone deeply. Also viewing any breakup or relationship that doesn’t end in marriage as a failure rather than being greatful for the time together

I've noticed many of us meet a potential partner, and while they certainly "identify" as a Christian they seem completely immersed in the World's values/mindsets. This can vary a lot depending on many things but I've definitely heard it from many people, as a dealbreaker in a potential spouse.

I have an expectation when it comes to boundaries. I've chatted to so many 'Christian' men who repeatedly overstep the most basic boundaries. It's such a disappointment.

Denominations: when you're both interested in each other but are committed to different churches or have different convictions. In some instances it can work, but I've found it very hard to find people who share my beliefs even though they're Christian. I've learnt to ask specific questions early on to save time/heartache.

One thing in my area, is that while some women identify as “Christian”, they practice other spiritual beliefs that aren’t compatible with even a basic Christian gospel-faith.

Trauma caused by previous relationships, particularly if someone was married previously. I suffered through this issue with my ex who was married for 7 years, it was evident there were unresolved feelings. I recently found out after 4 years since we broke up, she has no remarried her ex husband, which has left me with a whole array of emotions. The overriding truth I am clinging to is that God does not want divorce, and a marriage has been repaired... so my feelings will slowly fade.

Great questions. I would say that we are more of a mark for scammers as they see us as easy, gullible marks. Also, if we have lived for any length of time within Biblical Christianity, we are more likely to have resources they want because we have lived within our means. People who are Christian in name only see us as easy pickings.