We'll answer your dating questions 🙋‍♂️

@Stan I’m yet to see ONE Christian reference from you advising to jump into a boyfriend-girlfriend relationship overnight.

@Jude have you ever read “The Meaning of Marriage” by Tim Keller? Highly recommend 😊🙌

You won't because that's not how life works!

@Oasis I haven’t but he’s one of my favourite authors. Thanks for the recommendation! 😃

@Stan Actually no. That’s how you choose for it to work. There’s nothing that prevents you from reconfiguring your approach 😃

Seriously, if anyone needs to reconfigure their approach, you badly need to! 🤪

@Stan I don’t date around. Sorry. 😃

@Jude There's no need to!

@Stan no need? What you’re proposing is a formula 🧪 for stacking 🥞

@Oasis love this - and the only reason I am interested in any of this coupling stuff. Tim and Cathy Keller have understood something profoundly important about why God made marriage :)

@Kati There is so much more to learn about God. He is profound yet simple all at once. I’m learning more from a three part book series on marriage, family and sexuality by the Adventist Biblical Research Institute and wowzers, absolutely eye-opening. (I’m Adventist and just found out there is a Biblical Research Institute). But yeah the Bible is so full of information, it continues to blow my mind.

@Jude Really? Ok, name as many people as you can from the bible that became friends and went on to marry? "He who finds a wife, finds a good thing", God didn't say, he who finds a friend finds a good thing. Listen, I'm not saying it's not important, but believe me, If you come with a friend mindset, you will very easily get stuck there and that's all you will find! Your wife is your friend, treat her amazingly well, you will find the best-best friend ever.!

@Stan Name someone in the bible who had a boyfriend or girlfriend. 🙃

And for those who are looking for some reading material… “Prioritise friendship in your dating relationship” is from ‘Boundaries in Dating - How Healthy Choices Grow Healthy Relationships’ 😃

@Jude They didn't, they had wives not friends!

@Stan Exactly right - the ‘boyfriend and girlfriend’ status is not recognised. You can’t go from being strangers to husband and wife overnight. In my view, that process in-between should focus more on getting to know someone as a FRIEND. The ‘Friendateship’ - when a stranger becomes your best friend for life and then your spouse. If you can’t even be friends how can you even be spouses? 🫤

You are right, you can't go from strangers to husband and wife overnight but something called Courtship does exist where you can get all the info you need, unfortunately this generation turned it into boyfriend/girlfriend, bet you any money, your grand parents called it something else. You are stuck on a mindset that says you need friends first before you can go forward with them.

If you download a dating app, come with the intention for that. In the distant past this has happened to me, it messes you up, if you say friends, you will only meet friends, your conversations & actions will go the friend way.! Question - do you want a wife? How does the convo go? Do you tell her off the bat, you want to be friends? If there's one thing I know about women, that word "friend", you won't comeback from it, only in very rare circumstance that happens.

@Stan Yes 🙌 Conversations should go friends way. You’re talking to your sisters in Christ. You have the “not coming back to it” mindset. In fact, the intention is to moving forward to marriage. You shouldn’t come back, you should be moving forward. I want a wife, but I don’t go in saying that when I don’t know the person. I say: “I want to know as a friend with the intention of MOVING FORWARD. I’m looking for marriage”

@Jude Has any sisters in christ mentioned "friends way" first to you? Again, for info purposes, any lady/gent that downloads a DATING APP is looking to date, not make friends. They might say, I'm not rushing anything, that means take things slow, they will never say the word "friends". If you say friends, then you're not serious about it. You read that wrong, I don't have that mindset, I have an intentional mindset.

Ok so you say -"I want to know you as a friend, with the intention of moving forward. I'm looking for marriage", cool, how many ladies has that worked on? I bet your chat list is full of friends, where does it end?

@Stan Heaps of them say “friends first”. Heaps of them say “I don’t know you let’s start as friends”. Again, this is a Christian “dating” app. You may be looking to date but others are looking for marriage and they minimise failure risks via friendships. The terminology is NOT important. What’s important is HOW you use this Christian app.

@Stan @Stan I’d appreciate a man who would do that. Hardly anyone has done that with me and honestly, I would appreciate it. It would work for God-fearing women who value deep friendship, letting God lead rather than trying to be in control. Not all marriages are successful either. So why are you using that as a measurement of success? I don’t appreciate the action of pulling others down either. You are enough in Christ. Remember that. 🌸

@Jude Heaps?? Really?? Then the issue is worse than it is, either that or you are giving off friend vibes! Thank God you said "dating" app, so you make friends to minimize failure? We all will experience failure when matters of the heart is concerned, pick yourself up and keep going.

@Jude You are right, the terminology is irrelevant, but it is still a Christian DATING app, you should use it for it's purpose and any extra is a bonus. The more you keep looking for friends, you will find them, but remember, time and year is counting by.

@Oasis Ok, then they are intentional about what they're looking for, no guy who likes a lady comes to her talking about friends. Be real and truthful, why did you download this app? I'm not pulling him down, I'm trying to understand his rebuttal to my initial statement of "the app morphing into a friendship app", we cool, I agree with alot of what he says but not on this.!

@Stan It’s actually GREAT because people on this app are not using it like Tinder or Bumble. SALT provides the alternative. The other option. The better option 🙌 I INSIST on giving brother in Christ vibes or friend vibes whatever you want to label it. I don’t believe in “vibes” or “energy” anyway. I believe in building true fellowship and moving forward slowly but surely 😃

@Oasis Heaps of guys would do that in the sevy community. I’ve heaps of good sevy friends in Sydney 👍

@Stan I have not downloaded this app to date around and stack up exes like pancakes 🥞 (even if I love pancakes 🙃) I have downloaded this app to have the opportunity to meet Christian girls in Australia, for the purpose of marrying one after a thorough assessment through friendship first. Please advise if you require further clarifications.

@Jude That's the difference between you and I, some people want better, some accept status quo! It's not great, the Christian DATING pool is tiny as heck, but hey, friends is apparently your way to go.! I used the word "vibes" for want of a better word, I hate the word, so my apologies on that. Cool, you insist on that, you have a good idea but your approach is off.!

@Stan Here's an idea, oasis wants friends first, you're a friend, you can explore that, no?

Naa you won't stack up exes, you'll stack up friends 🙂

@Stan We’ve had this conversation so many times on SALT… because you know we’re friends 😃 It’s pretty clear that “Dating to know” is in fact “Dating around”, which is very different from “Dating to marry”…which would only happen if you know you want to marry the person and the best way for you to know that FIRST is through FRIENDSHIP 😃

@Stan So I guess that’s proof that some girls are wise enough to want friendship first 😃

@Stan and there’s nothing wrong about that 😃

@Jude 😂😂 is it proof though? You are pulling on a questionable thread to back you up.

Nope! My man, people and couples grow in relationships, for the better or the worse depending on how each behaves. If you approach a lady and she accepts to court for marriage, you can build your friendship as you go along. Initial friendship requirement is not a prerequisite for successful relationship/marriage, you can build and grow together along the way.

@Stan The only thing questionable in this thread is your intent for the use of this app. And yes, it’s additional proof because you started the thread saying it’s becoming a friendship app 😃

@Stan Why do you need to build “friendship” as you go along? What’s the point of going back like you said? I don’t want to go back, I want to move forward with a strong friendship as the basis of the relationship. Again, if you can’t even be friends how can you be more? What you’re proposing is a recipe for playing and stacking 🥞

@Jude It's not questionable, it's simple, I joined a DATING app(not a friendship app)to meet eligible ladies, with the intent to meet one, settle down and have a family with!

Ok scenario, you meet a lady, make friends with her and it doesn't work out, what happens next? You gonna keep that friend or move on?

@Jude Playing and stacking what? If it doesn't work out, you go your way, she goes hers, nothing to stack. AGAIN, friendship is not a prerequisite for avoiding failure, you can be friends and it still doesn't work out, why is this notion alien to you?

@Stan That’s the problem. It’s too simplistic the way that you’re thinking. You don’t actually meet and settle down with a wife. There’s the process in-between. You know what you want but you don’t know how to get there. I understand your intent but I disagree with your approach because you’re “dating around”.

@Stan what do you mean by it doesn’t work out? When you make friends there’s no romantic attachment and no commitment because you’re assessing the person (which I’ve told you before). I’ve also told you that making friends minimises relationship failure later on because friendship provides a stronger foundation for the relationship. I never said you’re guaranteed a successful marriage. You’d still need to work on your marriage but that’s a different stage.

@Stan Nobody said it’s a prerequisite but I think it should because, even if it won’t guarantee it, it will put chances on your side for a successful marriage. It’s like going to church as a married couple reduces your chances of divorce. Why would you not do that? I think your risk minimisation strategy needs some work. My advice: Don’t date to know, i.e. don’t date around. Make friends to assess consistency before committing.

to abide by the guidelines of not participating in an argumentative nature. I’m opting out. #FleeFromYouthfulLusts #2Tim2

@Oasis I don’t think we’re necessarily arguing. Maybe Stan just want to know why people are just making friends. He doesn’t understand that people use friendships to assess people, making it safer and putting better chances on their side for moving forward successfully.

@Stan if you take that verse literally and looking for a ready-made wife you're nicking someone else's wife...

@Jude Heya bud, apologies for the no show yesterday, life took over! Right, where was I? 😀

That's the problem I have with this, you use friends first as a shield, so you don't fail, you can be friends as much as you want, failure happens to all of us, just because you say friends first guarantees no success at all. Your risk minimization strategy is waay off than mine, with my strategy, we both know what we're on about from the jump, yours either keeps people in the friend zone forever or causes immense heartache if it doesn't work out.

@Jude Ok, tell me, how long does this friendship stage last? My talking stage is about 2wks before meeting.

@Stan Hi Stan, Thank you for your question 🙋‍♂️ Before we discuss timelines, we need to discuss stages and steps. See below 👇 This ‘chart’ has been endorsed my many girls here on SALT previously when I shared it. I disagree with your statement regarding people using friendship as a shield 🛡 It’s a wise approach. It’s been vetted. Please note that in the ‘chart’ friendship is a step and please note the movement forward.

@Stan STAGE 1 1.1. Message ➡️ To Make Contact 1.2. Meet (Strangers) ➡️ To Assess STAGE 2 2.1. Friends ➡️ To Discover + To Know 2.2. > Friends ➡️ To Romance 2.3. Date (= BF & GF) ➡️ To Commit 2.4. Marry (H+W) ➡️ To Love + All of the ⬆️ Please review and ask as many questions as you want.

@Jude Come on bro, be serious, it is a shield, call it what it is, a safeguarding net, so feelings aren't hurt 🙃 Thanks for the chart bud, Stage 1.2 - I don't need to meet them to assess them, it's a process, as I'm speaking to you, I'm getting to know you. Like I said, 2wks we speak, I'll know if I need to meet you or we're not right for eachother.! How long does it take to accomplish the chart?

@Jude who said romance is dead 👀 This thread is wild. To fall in love is surely something that comes from a heart. I hope you and @Stan will both find your matches.. may the good Lord surprise you both ❤️😊

@Stan Appreciate the feedback and agree with you regarding Stage 1 - this needs some rework because we even screen people by viewing their profiles. That’s fair to assess by messaging before meeting. However, again from previous conversations, we’ve talked about how it’s good to meet early. My advice: meet early.

@Stan How long to accomplish the ‘chart’ depends on individuals. I can provide only estimates. For example. A girl shared that she wants to become bf-gf in 3 months and then she’s totally fine being bf-gf for “as long as you want” so she said - which I disagree with because like I said bf-gf is not recognised. That’s a situationship.

@Stan People get frustrated as to why they’re not getting commitment when the other party, like you said, is “making friends as you go along” to actually know the person first. My advice: Don’t commit and then “make friends as you to along” and backtrack and stall.

@Stan We have a guest at your party🎈 @Kati I agree romance is a matter of the heart but I think it needs to be controlled. Romance is not dead 💀 It’s alive and well placed at Stage 2.2 and ONWARDS, moving forward. More importantly, romance is not dead but it’s definitely overrated, because most of us are actually looking for LOVE, and love is not just a matter of the heart. Love is thoughtful.

@Jude pardon the intrusion, don’t worry I’m not staying 😄 Hope you guys find what you’re not looking for :)

@Jude @Kati Hahaha she will be welcome 😀 Romance needs to be controlled?? Wow! Now I've heard it all, then your heart is not right, with regards to love.

@Stan I don’t understand what you mean… …but yes - I wouldn’t be going around romancing girl after girl, and you know… stack 🥞 Like I’ve already said, I think the attitude and intent and/or your proposed approach are questionable.

@Jude Oh wow, there is a missing message, hence why you didn't understand, hang on, let me see if I can repost.

Ok, provide an estimate on how long it has taken you using your friend intention. Then the girl who said that, isn't serious! If a girl says she is "totally fine with being gf-bf, for as long as you want", then she isn't serious, and is in there for the wrong reasons. No serious lady will say that.

I commit to a lady, I don't backtrack or stall, in previous relationships, they will tell you I pursued with intent, I didn't come with no "be your friend first" business. I know what I want, I don't entertain anything else. Naa my friend, it is your approach, your risk assessment approach, your lack of intent and your thoughts on dating that is highly questionable.

@Stan For me, personally, I’d like to know someone well as a FRIEND for 8-9 months, depending on how regularly we’re catching up each week.

@Stan Romance ≠ Intent to marry You may have the intent to get to know someone you’ve just met but you can’t tell me you have the intent to commit and marry her from the outset. Like I’ve already told you… I have the intent to get married but I do not commit to someone that I don’t know and who I may not marry, putting myself in a situation where I’m dating around. I have the intent to get married. Therefore, I make friends to assess who to date for marriage.

@Jude Naa! For reall?? 8-9mnths with all your eggs in one basket, that's almost a year for a maybe potential! Alot of ladies are already tired of the talking stage, how do you sustain 8-9mnths for a "maybe it might work"?

This is true, romance does not equal intent to marry but it is vital when trying to woo a lady, even if you want to make friends first. And as I've said, your approach is waay off, dedicating 8-9mnths for a friendship stage?? It should develop as you go along with the right lady.

@Stan All eggs 🥚 in one basket 🧺??? When you make friends you make friends with one person at a time??? Are you trolling?

@Stan I did a little bit of digging. I found this to be quite interesting. “While figures can vary, research generally indicates a 20-70% reduction in the likelihood of divorce when friendship serves as a foundation of the relationship” About time that we rethink and reconfigure the way that we approach Christian dating.

@Jude Wait, what?! So you make multiple friends? I'm not trolling, the amount of friends you make at a go wasn't clarified, so I simply thought you focus your attention on a single lady at a time, and draw it out for 8+months

Stats are always askew in one way or another, different scenarios or connotations are always missed, left out or ignored. Granted, dating in Christian circles needs a rethink, it needs more oomph! Bro, I have lived this friends first life, it will be very difficult for you to convince me it is the right way. Everything you're doing now, I did it, in fact I went deeper, the outcome/success rate is minimal.

@Stan God is not interested only with the end outcome or result. The goal is the relationship itself. When you date a girl, in my view, you owe her exclusivity, because you’re romantically involved with her. You shouldn’t be communicating with other girls for romantic interests. Therefore, you are the one putting all your eggs 🪺 in 1 basket.

@Stan Making friends is making friends. You can make friends with whoever you want. Like I’ve said before there is NO romantic attachment, exclusivity, commitment, etc. I’m not sure if you understand the concept of FRIENDSHIP. They don’t owe you nothing and you don’t owe them nothing. Just friends 👍

Yes, the goal is the relationship itself, but the process to that successful relationship, there-in lies the issue, you believe in stringing along multiple friends for months on end hoping to turn it more than friends. And that is correct again and I agree aswell, when I have settled on the right lady to date, I don't entertain others anymore, that is how it goes for me. Yes, I'm putting all my eggs in one basket for a specific time, we can both know sooner if we work together

@Jude Yes, and the same applies with my view, if I'm speaking to you, I'm just speaking to you, I'm not commited to you in anyway, no exclusivity until we both decide to be exclusive, it will not/should not take me months to make you my friend in the hopes of you becoming romantic with me, we both know sooner rather than later if we both work together or not!

@Stan We’re not stringing anybody along when we make friends. We’re just making friends and assessing if we can get on. I can only know if I want to be romantic with someone after this assessment. I can only love who I know. My advice: Love who you know.

@Stan I don’t make friend “with the hope of becoming romantic”. I make friends to assess IF I want to become romantic, and a BIG part of that assessment is about consistency.

@Stan Let’s do a mini comparison here.. YOU Dating. Romance. Fire 🔥 8-9 months doesn’t work out. Burnt. Don’t talk anymore. Heartbreak 💔 Healing ❤️‍🩹 Time off. Dating sucks. ME Friendship. Friends. Sisters. Family. Community. 8-9 months still talking. Still care. No heartbreak. Heaps of learning. Open talks. Strong and stable foundation to potentially date someone. Friendships rock.

@Jude What do you call, 8mnths+, talking to someone, with no intent other than to assess them and see IF you want to be romantic? Sounds alot like stringing people along. You can gather all the information you need waay quicker than that.

@Jude This is a better comparison - ME Dating. Romance. Fire 🔥 Spend time with eachother Build relationship Form strong bond YOU Friendship 8-9mnths duration Long drawn out process Risk minimization so feelings are not hurt activated ⚡ Time wasting for both sides Doesn't work, bigger heartache for the lady 💔

@Stan I’ve updated my mini comparison YOU Dating. Romance. Fire 🔥 Tinder / Bumble Style Clouded judgement Bond based on physicality and lust. Commitment. Exclusivity. 8-9 months doesn’t work out. Burnt. Potentially baby mama on hand. Don’t talk like you used to or not anymore Heartbreak 💔 Healing ❤️‍🩹 Time off. Dating sucks.

@Stan ME Friendship. Friends. Sisters. Family. Community. No physicality. No kissing. 8-9 months still talking. Still care. No expectations. No exclusivity. No heartbreak. Heaps of learning. Open talks. No clouded judgement. Strong and stable foundation to potentially date someone. Friendships rock.

@Jude I forgot to post this up, here let me correct that for you - ME - Dating. Romance. Fire 🔥 Tinder / Bumble Style Intent and not entertaining extra Strong Bond based on shared experiences, adventures & lovely moments, Commitment. Exclusivity. Marriage/kids Happy relationship created Go through life with someone who cares 💕

@Jude You Friendship safety net established 8-9mnths assessment class Waste ladies time with no intent for romance until assessment class is finished.! Bond not created unless assessment class is completed in 8-9mnths Failure ratio - through the roof! Lady hates men because of time wasters. Heartbroken 💔 Depressed about dating pool.

@Stan haha that’s not what the state of our society show, and that’s not what the research shows. You’re more likely to fail with dating and romance when these come first.

@Jude Research & society!! Do you have the phone number of these peeps so we can ask them directly?

@Oasis If you need an app to remind you to put God first, that says more about you than "your walk"! Michelle Apples who was a previous host on table met her husband on Hinge, and he has been amazing for her! You can meet anyone on any app, takes grace of God and being intentional about what you want and don't want to entertain.

@Stan Ask yourself, do you think the initial purpose of this app was friendship? No, it was to bring people together dating-stylez, and with later updates, the fellowship side was born.

@Stan No, I’m not relying on an app but as someone from a broken family, I can fall into the trap of idolising relationships. It’s nice to have an app that counteracts that weakness rather than fulfils it.

@Stan it is interesting that The Christian Singles Hub now has its own app in the USA... Subscription only

@Stan The purpose of this Christian app is MARRIAGE but we don’t just get that right off the bat. I use it as a “Marriage App”.

@Stan You’re also misconstruing INTENTIONALITY and COMMITMENT. I have the intent to get married but I do not commit to someone that I don’t know and who I may not marry, putting myself in a situation where I’m dating around. I have the intent to get married. Therefore, I make friends to assess who to date for marriage. My intent is pure 👍 😃

@Matt "dating works best in a community", does it though? That's a iffy one!

@Stan Community is definitely in there. 1. ✅ Prayer and Holy Spirit (Proverbs 3. James 1) 2. ✅ Character & Faith compatibility (2 Cor 6. Col 3) 3. ✅ Shared life goals and purpose (Amos 3:3) 4. ✅ Wise counsel & community (Proverbs 11:14) 5. ✅ Love and Sacrifice (1 Cor 13) 6. ✅ Personal + Readiness (Eph 5:25)

@David Hi David, Salt must have some idea of how many intro messages get responded to. By my experience of Salt and another Christian platform, I’d put the response rate (to meaningful, thoughtfully written messages) at around 5%… initially I thought that was “me”, but it sounds like many others have the same experience…

Maybe you would not mind a shameless plug for The Missions Addiction book by David Shibley ... Not just read it , but meet the author and got to drive him from the conference to the airport way back then

@Michelle I agree with you about location as well ... It takes trust and being secure in God to post more precisely about location.... I guess mine may look cryptic for someone outside Midwest USA but it has metro abbreviation, area code & state abbreviation.... DFW was an interesting acronym at first - Dallas Fort Worth, I am not from TX 🤣.... Like the town or city of Washington could be like in 52 different states & territories in the USA ....

@Jason haha, the shameless plug is great. Thank you for developing an app that adapts to the modern world whilst remaining grounded in Christ. It’s good that you’re bringing community into dating apps, I honestly think it’s more in tune with a Godly ideal. I actually have never been bold enough to ask my dates to go to church with me for a first date. I usually do the modern traditional thing of going to a cafe or something but maybe I need to try something different.

@Oasis but perhaps moving forward I could do a bit more, “Jesus comes first, deal with it” kinda vibes. 😂

@Oasis oh can take absolutely no credit for anything on SALT app , and I feel like a later arrival as a user this year in the USA ... The Third Wheel Date show got me hooked and TABLE made this app feel more like a ministry than a business ... Discord group is family and I cannot take any credit for that ... Cannot comment on the Salty Instagram group - do not use IG ... But it's clear positive community fosters more positive community ... God bless you 🙏

@Jason Sorry, I thought you were one of the SALT app team replying. I just joined a couple of days ago and still don’t getting used to the app! 🙈

That is already ... There is a little learning curve with the SALT app and there are some context to learn , like some people on Tables chatter with each other cozy because they have been on the app for couple years .... David - Customer Service Mgr is great and here and there does open Master Class Tables on how to use the app well They are pretty good about answering questions as well ☺️

@David I wonder if dating is the way to move forward. Because I feel like I’ve been following the world’s influence instead of God’s. The more I read about the biblical perspective of relationships, family, sex and marriage, the more I see how far I am from the ideal and how much the world influences us, and even our church communities.